Time to right some wrongs
May 5, 2016
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For almost three years now, my various editors have seen fit to give me an opportunity to give my opinions about a movie every week. That was indisputably a terrible idea, but I kept doing it and they kept giving me money to do it.
They won’t let me do it after I graduate this semester because of some stupid rule about needing to be a Wichita State student to be on staff at The Sunflower. I think that’s a load of horse hockey, but hey, someone offered me a job in New York City, so I guess I can just do that for a while.
Any critic worth their salt is willing to re-evaluate their positions after time has passed. Instead of getting all sentimental about my time at WSU, I’m going to tell you how I would’ve reviewed some movies differently.
I unjustly won a collegiate journalism award for my review of “Gravity,” which I gave five stars out of five. I would bump it down to four stars now because the dialogue is pretty horrendous in spots.
My initial response to “Kingsman: The Secret Service” was that it was decent, but now all I can remember is that it ended with an excruciating anal sex joke. Don’t watch that movie.
Some hooligan on Yik Yak said I was too mean to “Avengers: Age of Ultron,” which I said was dumb but basically enjoyable. In retrospect, I wasn’t mean enough to that incomprehensible mess. Who wants to spend 45 minutes on Hawkeye’s farm?
I gave the Zac Efron EDM odyssey “We Are Your Friends” two stars, but I would give it one or two more now. It is a work of (probably) unintentional genius, too good for the world that shunned it with low box office returns.
Finally, I would give “Furious 7” six stars if I could. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson flexes out of a cast, drives an ambulance into a predator drone and then takes the gun off the drone to use himself.
Sincerely now, thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed my work at this fine publication over the years. I became a better writer and person because of all the people I was fortunate enough to interact with at The Sunflower.