Future friends, readers, health gurus, and those of you who are bored and randomly flipped to this article:
I look forward to our fast-approaching relationship. I say relationship because some mornings, as you flip open to this health column, it might be filled with disheartening information that makes you feel inadequate and ashamed.
I simply will be trying to equip you with the knowledge to better enhance your life as a student, Shocker, parent, lover, omnivore, leader and friend. However, some days, you will look past this and you will find yourself in a very dark place, a place not even Dr. Oz can save you from. Perhaps on these days I will not be your friend, I might not even be that person you only send a “happy birthday” greeting to over Facebook, but I will realize this is just part of getting to know each other.
We will have our disagreements, and I might tell you things you don’t want to hear. That is why I want to say this now; it is only because I sincerely care for you, the reader. Whether you are struggling with style, diet, working out, your sex life (or lack there of), hair, makeup, cheaters, stalkers, weird body fluids and those awkward, burning questions that you would only tell your sweetheart, I’ve got news for you honey; I’m your new woman.
You can blame me, hate me, or write out an angry email about what I tell you, (just know that if you hit the “send” button the next day it might be in the paper.)
In the end we will see each other for who we are; people trying to not just get through life, but make the most of it while looking our best.
I have a dream. It is that over the upcoming months you might start to climb out of your dark, scary hole, and see a significant improvement in how you view yourself and those around you. My sincere hopes are that you will be so confident that you will start sending me advice so I don’t have to work as hard to come up with ideas.
With that said, those of you who read this on purpose, I hope you will return next week. Feel free to send me ideas for health-related stories you don’t have the time to write so I can steal them and take all the credit, (I will send you a nice thank you note, of course). As for the rest of you, I hope you find better things to do, so the next time you pick up this paper it is because you truly care. Trust me, I can feel the difference.