Note: Unless specified otherwise, the term “football” in this column refers to the sport referred to as soccer in the U.S.

If my memory serves me right, my Resident Assistant (RA) created a Facebook event for a game of football, and was kind enough to invite me to play. I was excited about it. 

Despite being no good at it, I love the sport and never really had the chance to play much of it ever since I came to the U.S.

So you know how disappointed I was when I got ready to leave and called my RA only to find out that they were playing American football. Curse words flew through my head.

Millions of people can convince themselves American football deserves the name it goes by, but I stand adamant — like an old man bickering about kids playing in his yard — when I say it doesn’t.

Were there no reasonable names that could’ve applied to the sport, describing it more accurately? I can think of several appropriate names at the drop of a hat; American handball, American rugby, Not Football, The-ball-occasionally-touches-the-feet-ball — all are splendid names. 

I run the risk of sounding like someone from a martial arts movie, but it is dishonorable to steal a name without earning it. Did whoever christen the sport fail their anatomy class?

A lot of people think my issue is with the sport itself, and they try pulling me into an argument about how American football is better or superior in comparison to “soccer.” I’d like to clarify that though I didn’t think much of the sport at first (just a bunch of dudes whaling on each other), I have come to recognize some strategic aspects of the game that make me respect it as a sport — not a sport I’d play, but a sport nevertheless.

I realize I run the risk of getting punched in the face every time I cut someone off mid-sentence saying, “Football? Oh, you mean American football.” I finish it off by rolling my eyes. I would not deny accusations that claim I have practiced this routine in front of a mirror.

Will someone please change the name of the sport already?