Dating has long been something at the forefront of the mind of the average college student. From the stories of our grandparents’ college sweethearts to the updates we send to the group chat, dating permeates the lives of many of Wichita State’s students.

Pessimism in dating is not a new concept. The age-old image of the grumpy spinster might be the first to come to mind. However, with marriage less on the forefront of society’s mind, the term “spinster” has become outdated. Women are now remaining single for longer than ever. According to a Morgan Stanley study, by 2030, 45% of women ages 25-44 will be single.

In my opinion, this is due to changing societal expectations about gender roles in relationships. Some women want a provider, some men want an Instagram fitness baddie. Dynamics are changing, and with them, so are our chances of actually finding someone compatible. This begs the question, what is it about people in relationships that makes their partner stick around?

“I think the reason it’s lasted this long is it wasn’t a casual relationship or a stepping stone to a more serious relationship,” senior Kinley Doyon, who’s been in a relationship for 2 ½ years, said. “There was a lot of communication that happened. Hearing my friend’s perspectives on stuff they’ve encountered through dating apps, I feel like I just got really, really lucky with someone that is willing to communicate and have those deep conversations.”

Societal pressure to keep things casual is a big talking point in the media right now. From the casual flings of “Sex and the City,” to the situationship of “Heated Rivalry,” they are everywhere.

“I feel like there is a big expectation to keep things casual. There’s a lot more stages to dating, it’s very informal,” Doyon said. “The texting phase, the snapping phase, the talking phase, and then you’re going on dates, but you’re not really dating, and then you have to discuss if you’re in a committed monogamous relationship as opposed to an open relationship.”

Galahad Nichols, a single sophomore, had different opinions.

“The people that I know are all very focused on relationships. They’re very long-term relationship oriented.”

This was enlightening for me, as someone with a very different perspective on dating. It seems like all anyone wants these days is a “long-term short-term” relationship. Just long enough to get off the apps and pose faux happiness, but not long enough for anything meaningful to actually occur.

Dating apps have also shifted the way college students act in the dating realm.

According to the British Medical Journal, there are concerns about the addictive effects of dating apps, as well as the impact on people’s mental and sexual health due to the unprecedented opportunities for social connections. But some people appreciate the apps for the tool they’ve come to be.

“I feel like it can be hard to find people who are available without dating apps. I think they’re a tool for people to meet other people,” Nichols said.

Dating apps can feel a little like window shopping at times, with the constant stream of selfies and mirror pictures. What message does that send to the hopeless romantics swiping away?

“I think dating apps tend to be looks-forward,” Doyon said. “(If) you are looking for a more casual relationship with someone that you could have fun with or someone you’re physically attracted to, I think they serve that purpose.”

This constant stream of endless swiping can lead to downtrodden spirits.

“I think my friends probably have more of a negative outlook on dating,” Doyon said.

This lines up with my experience in the dating world. Constant swiping and daily rejection takes a toll on even the most confident of young people.

With the stress of dating apps, students are also balancing a full schedule and complex personal lives. Is it even possible to maintain a good relationship when you’re so busy?

“I think it’s hard, and adds a layer of balance that’s hard to maintain. But it’s not impossible,”  Nichols said.

On top of the drudgery of dating apps, students are dealing with the overwhelming pressure of the current political climate at the local, state and federal levels. To Doyon, this means choosing her friends carefully.

“I think you have to be really careful of who you’re becoming friends with,” she said. “Some people are going to be safe, and I think that because it’s so polarized right now, you have to make a big effort to see who you can be more open with.”

Being careful about who I surround myself with is definitely at the top of my priority list. I don’t want to be friends with or, Wu forbid, date someone who lacks societal empathy. It’s very important to me that my partner be informed and kind about the current political climate.

With all the negatives of dating, Doyon and Nichols reiterated their positivity and hope for dating on campus. So what do students have to look forward to on Valentine’s Day?

Doyon says platonic love.

“I started doing Palentines with my friends instead, and we’ve been doing it for probably five or six years. I think that Valentine’s Day really pushed us towards finding rom

ance, but I think that we could celebrate any type of love,” she said. “So for the last few years, I’ve been choosing to celebrate platonic love. Those are the people that will be around no matter who your partner is at the time.”

The perspectives on dating at WSU are as varied as its students. From pessimistic app swipers, to hopeful moonstruck romantics, Wichita State is sure to have them all.

With this variety, I think it is easy to forget those of our friends that are struggling with romantic love this season – or every season. There’s so much pressure on college students to live their lives to the fullest, and for some reason, that must involve romantic love. But why?

Romantic love is disappointing. It results in dissatisfaction and begrudging. Unless you’re one of those lucky few who found their soulmate, dating, and especially dating apps, are the worst for the rest of us.

Be kind to your single friends this Valentine’s season, and maybe set them up with a mutual friend on a blind date. They’ll definitely have more luck than on Tinder.