May: Top 5 ways to not be a nerd the week before finals


The weekend before finals is time full of stress and worries. The Sunflower’s (un)official guide to procrastination gives you new ways to avoid your problems, while already avoiding your problems.

Dishonorable Mention: Study

I know what you’re thinking: “Crap, I need to study for my finals next week.” Well, at this point in the semester, it’s too late. Just go ahead and accept that you can’t learn calculus in the half hour before the final and move on. You either know it or you don’t, and since you’re reading The Sunflower instead of your textbooks, I think it’s safe to say that you aren’t going to study anyways.

5: Calculate the exact grade you need to get on the final to pass the class

By far my favorite biannual activity, as a statistics nerd, nothing is more fun — or depressing — than figuring out that I need to get a 250 percent on the final to get an A in the class. Something about punching numbers into Excel and knowing down to the percent what I need to get is amazing for me, even if it is taking away from the time that I need to be studying.

4: Go to the Heskett Center

This isn’t the choice that I personally would make, but I guess this new fad of “trying to be healthy” and “living past 45” isn’t going to go away any time soon. And to be fair, I have been in the Heskett a few times this semester — usually immediately before pounding three Monsters in order to pass a test in the morning. For those of you who are more physically inclined, the Heskett Center will be a great place to avoid your problems in the coming days.

3: Distract the people around you from studying

There are a number of ways to do this, but my personal favorite is to start a discussion that, at least in the beginning, has something to do with the topic. You’d be surprised at how quickly you can go from talking about the states of matter to the history of gas prices globally. After all, is it really procrastinating if you’re not taking someone else down with you?

2: Investigate conspiracy theories

From the JFK Assassination to birds, surely the government is covering something up. You could be the first to know, even if it does mean failing that chem final. Who needs chemistry when you can uncover the truth?

1: Binge watch your favorite show

Let’s be honest, this is what most of us are going to do anyways. Personally, I think it should be illegal for Netflix to put out new seasons of my favorite shows for at least a month before the end of the semester. Hulu destroyed my motivation to study at the beginning of last month when they began streaming “King of the Hill,” and the new season of “F is for Family” on Netflix will carry me right on through finals.