“No. Never. Not,” I said to my editor when she suggested that I could write about Miley Cyrus’ performance at the Video Music Awards. She must have been joking. I struggle with sarcasm.

Anyway, there was no way I was going to waste precious ink writing about something that deserves no attention. However, what I could comment on is American television and my experiences with it.

Like most international students, I was virtually grounded when I first got here. Without a car, or friends with cars, I spent all my time on campus. Sooner than later, I realized my pastimes included only the following: playing ping pong, pool, Facebook stalking and watching TV in the game room at the dorms.

Why is American television so bizarre?

I always assumed that American television would be similar to television in other parts of the world. I would have expected fewer musical dance numbers. But U.S. television was one of the most dominant entities that contributed to the culture shock I experienced.

I found the number of advertisements for drugs on TV too high. It seemed like every third ad was trying to convince me that I had some illness.

If I did not know any better, I would have panicked and visited the doctor. And she would have prescribed medicine for hypochondria – which would be pointless. Walgreen’s would have probably given me the medicine without a prescription anyway.

Do not even get me started about the calm tone they use when talking about side effects of medecine.

“Consuming this pill will give you erectile dysfunction and turn your nose into one of Voldemort’s horcruxes.”

And so I stuck to playing ping pong. A few days later, I walked in my roommate watching “reality” TV. Sooner than later, I was more alarmed by the number of reality TV shows than their aired content.

You do not need to have lived in a Zen monastery to know how much all the aired negativity can affect you adversely.

A few hours later, as Maury Povich announced that the father of a certain child was neither of two cousins, but a shape-shifting Neptunian, my mind was blown. I left the room to go and play some ping pong.