Photo courtesy of Gallery Books

I’ll be honest when I say that I grew up with the Duggar family. Living just one county south of the star family of the TLC show “19 Kids and Counting,” the Duggars were a huge staple of my childhood. 

The Duggars followed the teachings of a group called the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP), specifically the “Quiverfull” ideology that values having as many children as possible over pretty much anything else. Other IBLP ideals stress the importance of sexual purity, traditional gender roles and gaining political and social power to minister the Christian gospel.

My mom didn’t have any other children, but we resonated with the Duggars’ ideals. Like them, we were Christian, lived in Arkansas and loved Silver Dollar City. This sweet, mild and meek family simply touched our hearts, and we tuned in for every marriage, birth and everything in between. 

So when daughter Jill Duggar released a memoir recounting her experiences growing up Duggar (and defining herself outside of being a Duggar), my mom and I jumped at the opportunity to check it out. Alongside writer Craig Borlase and her husband Derick Dillard, Jill gives a detailed account of her adolescence in “Counting the Cost,” which was released in September 2023.

Although the memoir starts with memories from Jill’s childhood, the pace intensifies following Jill’s marriage to Derick Dillard. My mom and I excitedly tuned in to the episode premiere of the wedding in 2014, which seemed like a perfectly joyous occasion. 

However, more than nine years later, Jill touches on what went on below the surface in her book. The event was far more publicized than she had ever wanted, a common theme throughout her life that would extend from small aspects of her relationship to the birth of her first child. 

In 2015, the image of this perfect Christ-following family was shattered when In Touch Weekly magazine revealed a huge family secret without permission: the oldest child, Josh Duggar, had been touching four young girls, including at least two of his sisters, from 2002 to 2003. For those who didn’t keep up with the legal drama, Jill covers the extent of the story in her memoir, mingled with how these events impacted her directly. Josh revealed his abuse to his parents in 2006 and faced essentially no consequences. Jill was one of these sisters — she found that a huge part of her personal trauma was being relived for entertainment. 

I applaud Jill for sticking to her guns and not explicitly bringing up her own trauma in her memoir. Instead, she focused on the long legal battle that ensued against In Touch as well as Springdale, Arkansas, for the unlawful release of these records containing private information about juvenile victims. 

The lack of detail in her own sexual abuse does not dampen the memoir in any way. In fact, it enhances it, and I think shows a huge amount of growth in Jill. After a lifetime of having your worst moments and secrets put on national television, I think she’s entitled to more privacy. 

The original show was canceled after the information was leaked, and father Jim Bob had to work hard to get the family any sort of screen time again. Jill was practically forced by her parents to do an interview with Megyn Kelly to make it clear that her brother was forgiven, resulting in the spin-off show “Jill and Jessa: Counting On.” 

Later, in 2015, Josh was found in a data breach of the dating website Ashley Madison, which is geared towards individuals seeking extramarital affairs. He admitted he had a pornography addiction and checked himself into a rehab facility. Josh was never seen on TLC again. 

In 2021, Josh was arrested for the reception and possession of child pornography. “Counting On” was canceled, and the reign of the Duggars as the model Christian family, and Jim Bob’s IBLP ministry, was finally over. 

Jill faced a long and hearty battle with not only this legal case but separating herself from the show, gaining any sort of payment and recovering from the harmful and misogynistic teachings of the IBLP. While no longer heavily under the public eye, Jill broke away from the IBLP to find her own faith in God, even if that meant wearing pants or a nose ring — two things that dominated headlines when pictures appeared online. With Derick at her side, Jill writes heavily in the book about redefining her own religion without the fear and pain she gained from the IBLP.

One thing I admire about the memoir is how raw her writing style is. To put it plainly, she’s not a good writer. Her words are almost identical on paper to how she speaks, as shown in the documentary mini-series “Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets.” The memoir feels like a long and heartfelt conversation with her that goes off track at times but answers many of your questions. The casual style is one of the things that makes “Counting the Cost” really special, especially for a former Duggar fan.  

I watched “Shiny Happy People” when it came out last year and again after reading the memoir. Jill and her husband Derick make several appearances in the documentary, making her the only Duggar child to do so. Alongside Jill, Jim Bob’s sister and her daughter agreed to speak for the series. 

The documentary was the first real information I had gained about what was going on behind the scenes for the Duggars, but “Counting the Cost” set everything in stone. Jill’s book featured a plethora of email and text messages from her parents, specifically Jim Bob, that showed his true colors. 

Still, the reader doesn’t walk away thinking Jill is an ungrateful daughter. Even when recounting all the pain she has faced from her father, Jill writes in detail about how much she loves her father and hopes their relationship can be healed. It’s a raw portrayal of a daughter in pain at her parents’ choices, and it’s written with so much love that it’s hard to believe that Jim Bob specifically did some of these horrible things. Jill has stuck to the truth through and through, both the good and the bad. If anything, the epilogue is a love letter to her wonderful childhood.

While “Shiny Happy People” touches a lot on the IBLP and leader Bill Gothard, Jill’s memoir has a more personal touch. She talks about going from being the model child, “Silly Jilly Muffin,” to learning to have her own voice and question the teachings of the IBLP. 

With her husband to support her through thick and thin and be her voice if she struggled, Jill was able to break away from the IBLP and practice her faith in a way that felt right to her — even if that meant wearing pants, which the IBLP forbade for women. 

“Counting the Cost” was a quick and easy read and perfectly ties up the Duggar family saga. Jill has taken the honorable approach to spread the truth when she has been taught to do anything but her entire life. If you caught even a few episodes of “19 Kids and Counting,” I recommend “Counting the Cost” to set the record straight.