Corrigan: Olympic-level embarrassment


In light of the ongoing winter Olympics, I thought about what my own Olympic event could be.

Now, I’m not some paragon of athletic prowess. I come from Minnesota originally, and I dabbled in hockey because it’s practically mandatory service there, but I’ve never been “great” at sports.

Decent, sure. But great? Not a chance. However, there is one area of life in which I am truly spectacular—embarrassment.

So, here’s the deal. I’ve compiled a few of my favorite embarrassing moments that were Sunflower appropriate. (Many were too horrific to be mentioned. Those are for therapy.)

If you find yourself nodding at shared experiences, give yourself a pat on the back and an honorary gold medal from me. You’ve made it through that moment. Congratulations. It can’t get much worse.

No. 1: That embarrassing moment when: your phone goes off in class when your teacher just happens to be talking about the Holocaust. Two years ago I lost a bet, therefore I changed my ringtone to LMFAO and Lil’ Jon’s “Shots”. I thought for sure that I had my phone switched to silent, but just as we were discussing the atrocities of the concentration camps, Lil’ Jon’s voice boomed from the bowels of my bookbag, “SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS ERRRRRRRYBODY!” The class laughed, the teacher was annoyed, and I died 10,000 deaths.

No. 2: That embarrassing moment when: The class is silently reading a deep, heart-wrenching poem and your stomach pretends like you haven’t eaten in approximately 99 years. The angry hobbit in your stomach starts growling at you because you skipped Levensies, making it impossible for anyone to focus on the suffering of Sylvia Plath.

No. 3: That embarrassing moment when: Unbeknownst to you, you step in dog poop on your way to your car. You sit down in your jam-packed lecture hall of 200 students, and people start calling out, “Why does it smell like poop? Who stepped in poop?” Guess what? You did. You realize this, and try to weasel your way out of the back doors, but find them to be locked. You have to take off your poop shoe, and walk out the front door before the eyes of 200 judgey, poop-incensed students.

No. 4 That embarrassing moment when: You’re wearing a floor-length cardigan and you walk down the stairs in your lecture hall, and you don’t realize that your sweater has enveloped the head of the girl sitting on the end of the row. She’s a complete stranger, and you’ve sweater-sleepingbagged her.  Still cringing.

Embarrassment happens. Own it, and try not think about it too much.