Following a substantial Thanksgiving dinner, a friend blasted me with a question I’d dreaded for days: “So, wanna come shopping with us?”

I planned to take part in the Black Friday tradition; I just didn’t want to do it right after dinner. I couldn’t picture myself pacing around Walmart and Best Buy for hours after swallowing half a turkey. Perhaps I exaggerate about how much I ate, but I did feel as if I carried a hundred stones in my stomach. Every step was agony.

“I don’t know, man, I’m pretty tired,” I said. “We’re just gonna call it a night.”

My friend nodded in disappointment. My girlfriend imitated his behavior. I knew I would have to give in sooner or later. If I stalled, I could manage to at least skip Best Buy.

While winter winds raged fierce with their icy bite outside, an abrasive heat expected us at Walmart as soon as we arrived there. As if I had crossed over to another dimension, I explored my surroundings with caution. If order had ever existed in this parallel universe, it had long been vanquished. Chaos ruled at America’s No. 1 discount department store.

Truth be told, I cared little for home accessories and clothing. Black Friday sales are all about movies for me. Therefore, I sprinted toward the Blu-ray and DVD section.

Though it was not empty, it certainly lacked anything even remotely appealing. If a decent movie had ever been in those shelves, it had been 500 eager shoppers ago.

It was not all a complete waste of time, however. A Blu-ray copy of “The Wizard of Oz” rested between “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “Doom.” Score. Paulo, one. Black Friday, zero.

I browsed and browsed. Nothing too interesting. I came back to “Gangster Squad” on DVD about five times before passing on it. I grabbed the last copy of “Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron” as two kids eyed it suspiciously.

At the end of the aisle, a lone box containing “Prisoners” awaited a buyer. As I presented myself to it, the movie deemed me a worthy purchaser. With this film in hand, my collection was complete. I had defeated the might of Black Friday. I had accomplished my goals. I had bought two movies on DVD and one on Blu-ray. And it was only $41 before tax.

My friend showed me the list of movies he’d bought at Best Buy.

“That’s cool, man,” I said.

I lied. It wasn’t cool. It filled me with deep regret. I guess I know where to go next year.

The following day, I spent $50 on comics that I could have read online for $10.