OPINION: Summer is a success and fall is a fail

Some people might say that fall is great. Some might say that fall is even better than summer. Some people might say the crisp weather is perfect and summer is too hot.

These people are wrong.

“Why do you hate fall? It’s so pretty with all the leaves falling, going to the pumpkin patch. It’s cuffing season and the weather is perfect,” fall lovers say.

Let’s dissect this. Leaves are falling and changing colors: So they’re dying. Why is that pretty? Oh, I get it: you think death is cool, nice. The only good thing about things dying in the fall is all that bugs die.

Other than that, all the leaves are a hassle and I have to do something with them or my neighbors are going to hate me. It’s a lot of work to clean up and deal with leaves. I will say though, not having to mow — that’s nice.

Summer is better than fall because things are alive. Birds are tweeting, squirrels are chasing each other being crazy like squirrels do and people are out and about exploring nature and this beautiful world. People don’t go on fall vacations, people go on summer vacations. It’s not “fall lovin’.” It’s “summer lovin,’ baby.”

Fall is “cuffing season,” a season where people start getting into relationships to partake in cute fall activities together. You have to think about why you’re doing this, do I want to go to the pumpkin patch because I want to go? Or do I want to go because society told me to go and take goofy pictures for Instagram?

As an anticapitalist myself, I don’t take part in capitalist traditions such as pumpkin spice latte — an overpriced seasonal drink.

You say a haunted house — I say giving myself nightmares for months. One good thing about spooky season is that I get to put a little witch hat on the crocheted cat my mom gave me.

Flannels, hoodies, cute pants and converse. What do all these things have in common? I wear them when I’m cold. I don’t like being cold. If it’s not 80 degrees out I’m cold. You wear clothes because you think it’s cute, I wear them because I’m cold. We are not the same.

In summary, summer is great because it’s not fall.