Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr):  It’s all a low-fiction / high budget fantasy fest for Aries.  Emma Watson (Apr 15), aka Hermoine Granger of Harry Potter fame, and Kristen Stewart (Apr 9) aka Bella of the Twilight saga are a couple of Rams.  Impress these ladies with your bookworm skills.

Libra (24 Sep – 23 Oct):  This is a story all about how your life got flipped – turned upside down.  Now, I’d like to take a minute, so just sit right there… you share a sign with Zac Efron (Oct 18) and the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire (Sep 25).

Taurus (21 Apr – 21 May):  If you get gored by Taurus Chris Brown (May 5), maybe WWE superstars John Cena (Apr 23) or Duane “The Rock” Johnson (May 2) will beat him up for you.

Scorpio (24 Oct – 22 Nov):  I’ve never met you, and this is crazy, but Carly Rae Jepsen (Nov 21) is a Scorpio, so call her, maybe.

Gemini (22 May – 21 Jun):  There are few Geminis as notorious as The Notorious B.I.G. (May 21), but Johnny Depp (Jun 9) can claim to be one of them.

Sagittarius (23 Nov – 21 Dec):  Oompa loompa doopity dye… you share a sign with Nicki Minaj (Dec 8)… you can share her weird orange hue…if you multiply all your makeup by two.

Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul):  If you’re a Cancer, you are legally required to change your name to Tom, just like Tom Cruise (Jul 3) and Tom Hanks (Jul 9).

Capricorn (22 Dec – 20 Jan):  Heyyy….sexy Capricorn.  Say, “Hi,” to a Korean guy named Psy (Dec 31).  Oppa Gangam Style!

Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug):  Nothing could be sweeter than sharing a sign with “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” stars Cole and Dylan Sprouse (Aug 4).

Aquarius (21 Jan – 19 Feb):  Do some “Social Network”ing with Justin Timberlake (Jan 31), or revisit “Twilight” with Taylor Lautner (Feb 11).

Virgo (23 Aug – 23 Sep):  Honorary Shocker (“Black and Yellow”) and musical superstar Wiz Khalifa (Sep 8) has to put up with the dumb Virgo/virgin jokes, too.

Pisces (20 Feb – 20 Mar):  Chuck Norris (Mar 10) doesn’t share his sign with anybody – so you’d better find a new birthday.