Finding love possible without having sex


When my editor asked me to write a column about sex I immediately knew what to write about. To say I have experience in the field would be incriminating, but it’s not necessarily sex that I know about, rather things associated with it. 

Don’t expect another “safe sex” PSA, and I am not going to spoon feed you a chapter from “Fifty Shades of Gray,” but rather share the deepest, darkest encounters I’ve had with sex, and hope you can put them to use in your own life. 

So, the topic I’ve wanted to share with you this week is the power of not having sex. Now, understand that I am not one to advocate abstinence, and I wouldn’t have thought to write about this unless I had the first-hand account supporting my theory that not having sex is much more powerful than having sex.

When my sister met a boy this summer, she couldn’t stop talking about him. She hadn’t really dated anyone since the birth of her two-year-old daughter, so I admit, she was rusty. The two had matching work schedules—at the same place of employment—and spent hours hanging out at my house after work every day, and on the weekends.

Well, my sister, being the forward person that she is, tried to make the sexual move on him a couple weeks later. Much to my surprise, he declined. His reason was not because he didn’t want to have sex with her, but rather he wouldn’t until he established a relationship.

This continued for the duration of the summer, and no matter how hard my sister tried, he wouldn’t crack. Now the two are officially together, and even tell each other the “L” word, which I believe they both actually mean.

All the time my sister and this boy spent not having sex forced them to come together as people. Both people found ways to connect intimately without being intimate, not to mention the act of sex actually became love-making after the time they spent waiting.

If it’s not a relationship or love you are looking for,  then I don’t think casual sex is a bad thing by any means. But, if you’re that person that feels like you’ve always waited until it “felt right” to have sex, yet all of your relationship attempts have failed, heed this advice. 

If the relationship doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to. But one thing you know for sure is that you won’t find yourself sitting on the couch on a Friday night eating a tub of chocolate ice cream, mad at the world because you had sex with yet another mistake—or maybe that was just me.