Letter to the Editor — Do your research, have empathy, grow
I’ve tried to take a step back from WSU politics recently, but when it comes to sexual assault, I simply can’t. I didn’t spend four years in high school speaking out about rape, sexual assault, and sex trafficking to then go to a college campus that pretends all of those things don’t exist.
It hurts to watch people spread myths about rape or to undermine the impact it has on an individual. Rape happens not because of the victim, nor does it happen because the perpetrator can’t get it anywhere else. Rape is used as a form of domination and control. Sexual assault victims come forward far less than one would expect because of the false accusation that every rape report is a lie.
So let me get graphic for a second for those of you who shrug it off:
Look into the eyes of the woman who was held down by a frat brother on one side, his nails digging into her arms as another spreads her legs. See as is she raped one after another, forcing themselves on her, breaking her piece by piece while it was being filmed. See how they blamed it on what she drank.
Stay up with the woman who has PTSD and wakes up crying in the middle of the night as she feels phantom fingers clawing into her skin and burrowing into her crevices — a feeling she can never escape from. See the flashbacks of the night her boyfriend pinned her to the bed, fear clawing in her chest as he ripped into her, tearing her open and leaving her bleeding before telling her she deserved it. Imagine living with that imagery every day of your life and waking up in the middle of the night screaming because your brain has tricked you into thinking he’s near.
Talk to the individual who got the courage to come forward when they’re attacked on campus, and listen as campus tells them that they have no proof or that they were asking for it. See how those words crawl into their brain and sink into their being. Feel how they want to die. How the feel of the perpetrators hands never go away even though they scrubs her skin raw like Ophelia. Until they bleed.
Work with victims of sexual assault, have family members that are victims, see their pain, and then try and tell me that some statues are worth more than this. Worth more than combatting this problem. Worth more than having proper investigations. A simple statement is no longer enough. Hold individuals, our campus president, and members of our Kansas government accountable for helping sexual assault survivors. Do your research. Have empathy. Grow.
And if you can’t do any of that, please, just stay quiet. Don’t comment. Don’t belittle. Don’t make snide remarks. Life is hard enough as it is; you don’t need to rip open old wounds. If you don’t agree or you don’t understand, realize that the person you’re attacking is a person. That’s all we need.
When it comes to sexual assault issues, offer help, not criticism.
Mercedes Lubbers
Tex • Sep 20, 2017 at 8:49 pm
For someone who spent years “speaking out about rape” you don’t seem to be very mindful of the potential audience of your letter. Did you just spend those years graphically describing the act of rape in an attempt to create shock and awe? Are you like those groups who show up to campus with graphic images of aborted fetuses in an attempt to upset people? Are you trying to bring back haunting memories and cause additional emotional trauma?
Based on the responses I would say that you’ve seriously missed your mark and probably upset sexual assault victims who had the unfortunate experience of stumbling upon this letter.
Good effort, but please have a seat.
Mercedes • Sep 21, 2017 at 2:01 am
There will always be negative commentary regardless the topic. It would do you well to read my previous responses here. I have also had several reach out to me thanking me for the piece.
You also, obviously, didn’t understand the piece which is: if you’re only going to criticize–don’t bother. It doesn’t help the situation. It distracts from the conversation. As a victim myself I have the right to speak out about this issue. I’ve worked with those affected by the issue. I’ve spread awareness and resources. Tell me, what have YOU done to combat the problem? Please take several seats. Thanks.
Tex • Sep 21, 2017 at 5:49 am
As a victim I have every right to call you out on this. You are not my voice and I would never use my voice to recreate a graphic rape scene, forcing victims to relive the hell they’ve been through. That is not empathy and you will not tell me to be silent about your hypocrisy. Your letter says don’t “rip open old wounds” but you chose to do just that, as evidenced in this comments section–and those are only the victims brave enough to confront you about it.
As far as what I’ve done to combat the problem: it generally is more effective than this shock and awe tripe. I don’t boast about what I do. I’m not here to pump up my ego and laud how great I am at being an advocate, how I’ve spread awareness and resources. Which is why I don’t write rubbish letters to the editor saying how hard I’ve fought or preaching empathy and then not showing any.
And please, have all the seats, darling. Thanks.
Ian • Sep 20, 2017 at 2:05 pm
Hey, I can write a realistic portrayal of bank heists committed by Gender Studies majors, and demand someone start closely policing their behavior.
That’s exactly what you’re doing. You’ve created a hypothetical situation and then disregarded the “hypothetical” part. Fortunately, Betsy DeVos will be putting a stop to your little Committee of Public Safety Tribunals (do YOUR research), and a sane return to actual crimes having to be committed before someone can be accused will replace your SJW witch hunting.
This is the United States. Accused criminals have the right to confront the witnesses against them, and the right to a public trial – neither of which are things you support.
Mercedes • Sep 21, 2017 at 2:01 am
Ian,
Get a life. Lol.
Survivor • Sep 18, 2017 at 3:30 pm
I’m sure you meant well, but this opinion article is sort of difficult for me to get through as a victim.
1) You’re knowingly creating a trigger for victims
2) You’re creating a perfect victim mentality (rape isn’t always how you describe and we already have an excess of those images so we don’t need more. It just makes victims who have been raped in other ways doubt themselves)
3) Just stop with the rape imagery. It just makes me feel like a plot decide and this ain’t Game of Thrones.
Like I said, I’m sure you meant well, but please make sure you’re listening to victims as much of this discussion has been about triggers, yet you wrote a triggering piece. I just think you missed the mark here. Center our voices, don’t victimize us more.
Mercedes • Sep 18, 2017 at 7:52 pm
Hi! I’m sorry if this was discussed in a way that you don’t think would be helpful. I really am sorry. I did warn that it was about to be graphic as a disclaimer that what was about to be discussed could be triggering to some. Sadly, the Sunflower doesn’t come with a tag for potentially triggering content.
This piece was not aimed at survivors: it was aimed at those who do not understand the violence that rape can be. I did use violent imagery in order to shock readers’ senses. I would have incorporated other less graphic imagery with examples of other forms of sexual assault, but there’s simply not enough space to do so.
I do like your last statement “center our voices, don’t victimize us more” and I can see how this piece could be victimizing. I’ve not been exposed to all forms of sexual assault, I can only describe what I know and what I’ve seen. As someone who has been assaulted and had other ties to the topic, I wrote to voice my mind. I cannot represent nor satisfy everyone. I don’t wish to.
Again, I’m sorry if you felt this piece didn’t accurately reflect you or could cause harm: it wasn’t intended to, and I can’t account for your experiences–only my own. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more!
Mel • Sep 20, 2017 at 9:33 pm
I am also a survivor of rape. My question for you is, instead of criticizing this piece, become an advocate for other survivors and suggest how we can push this necessary conversation forward. I encourage you to ask yourself what you can do for the survivor community to keep this topic relevant and do it. We survivors number many yet so few of us speak out on this topic. I was raped. It was NOT my fault! I will not be shamed by the actions of another! And I WILL NOT shame someone else who is effectively trying to keep this conversation relevant.
Jayne Do • Sep 18, 2017 at 3:19 pm
What WSU victims are being silenced and why aren’t activists telling their stories and begging for justice?
Mercedes • Sep 18, 2017 at 7:55 pm
It is not my right to name any victim, so I cannot address your question directly. Many activists, including Wade Robinson, former employee at WSU, have made efforts to address the issue of silencing victims on campus and have even gone so far as to file lawsuits against the University.
I would encourage you to do some of your own research and reach out to the community for more information.
SA survivor • Sep 18, 2017 at 2:52 pm
I’m glad you’ve decided to empathize with sexual assault victims but the exhaustive rape imagery isn’t helping anyone. At best it sounds like it was lifted from a Lifetime original and at worst, it’s just as triggering as that stupid banner. Please listen to your own advice and listen to victims.
J • Sep 18, 2017 at 3:15 pm
The author states that the rest of the article is about to get graphic, if that’s triggering to you then maybe you shouldn’t have kept reading. This is clearly meant for those who have no idea what sexual assault victims go through. They’ve been privileged enough to go through their life without knowing what it’s like to go through that or watch someone you care about go through it. Obviously, the student body is having trouble empathizing because nothing has changed so far, in the way that we have addressed rape culture on campus. I’m not opposed to different types of writing if that means it’ll finally stick in someones mind that it’s not something made up. It’s very real and all too normalised.
Mercedes • Sep 18, 2017 at 7:59 pm
Hi! I’m sorry if this was discussed in a way that you don’t think would be helpful. I really am sorry. I did warn that it was about to be graphic as a disclaimer that what was about to be discussed could be triggering to some. Sadly, the Sunflower doesn’t come with a tag for potentially triggering content.
This piece was not aimed at survivors: it was aimed at those who do not understand the violence that rape can be. I did use violent imagery in order to shock readers’ senses. I would have incorporated other less graphic imagery with examples of other forms of sexual assault, but there’s simply not enough space to do so. Furthermore, instances that I described are real life events. Not lifted from Lifetime. I also cannot to speak to everyone’s experiences: only my own. When you say to listen to survivors–there’s still going to be differing opinions and needs within the community. This piece wasn’t written only for outside/other survivors. It was written for me. For my experiences, my needs, my requests. I am representing myself. No one else.
I cannot represent nor satisfy everyone. I don’t wish to.
Again, I’m sorry if you felt this piece didn’t accurately reflect you or could cause harm: it wasn’t intended to, and I can’t account for your experiences–only my own. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more!
Mel • Sep 20, 2017 at 9:25 pm
I’m also a survivor of sexual assault. I appreciate the direct nature of this article. If you’ve never experienced rape it’s hard to fathom the absolute destruction it has on the soul, mind, body and spirituality of the survivor. If we aren’t explicit with how awful this is we will continue to turn a blinds eye to it.
The next time you find yourself questioning the effectiveness of such explicit examples remind yourself of the ASPCA commercials you see running 1000 times a day. Or even the shockingly explicit videos showing severely emaciated children in 3rd world countries.