I feel the best way to illustrate gambling is to describe my experience of winning $1,435 and then losing it all by playing blackjack at the Kansas Star Casino.

This was in the spring. I was 21 and it was my first time gambling. I went to the Kansas Star Casino to place some bets.

It was 4:30 p.m. when I merged on the highway from 13th Street. In anticipation, I told myself all day, “I am going to win, I am going to win.”

There is a naïve gambling illusion that positive energy is a counter for the unpredictability of gambling. But gambling is gambling; no matter how much you believe in yourself, you have no control on how the cards will fall or how the slots will align.

I pulled into the casino parking lot and I entered the building with $350. The casino was dim, cool and dry, but was illuminated by the beeps, boings, buzzes, whizzes and noises of the slot machines.

It is often here, when you cross the threshold from the outside world into the world of gambling, that you become hooked and the demons of human nature come out.

I meandered through the floor, looking at the different types of slots and I settled on a 25-cent machine.

I played slots for an hour and a half and I lost $150.

Still determined to win, I moved to a blackjack table and I lost nearly every hand.

I came into the casino planning to use all of the money I had, so after losing I took a break and moved to a different blackjack table.

And for an hour and a half at this table, I was perfect.

I didn’t miss a bet. My hands kept beating the dealers. I got face cards.

When I hit on 13 and 14, I got 5’s, 6’s and 7’s. It rarely failed. I was on.

When my gut told me, “Bet $200 on this hand,” I did. And I won. When my gut told me, “Only bet the minimum,” I did. And my losses were low.

 I went from $100 dollars to $1,435. I could do no wrong.

But before I tell you how I lost the money, I want to pause for a moment and issue this warning to all of you who think you can win at gambling consistently: you cannot.

Unless you have the brain power to do multiple algorithms in your head, while adapting and changing them every 30 seconds, adding new variables and eliminating others, then you will lose at gambling.

Gambling is random and chaotic. Yes, you can predict, by playing enough, what may happen in coming hands or spins because you can make out patterns of wins and losses, but by that time, you have already lost.

To win at gambling, you have to see and feel what wavelet you are on. If it feels like you are a bad wave, leave. If you are on a break even wave, stop. If you are on a good wave, take risks and ride it for as long as you can.

And so after an hour and a half of gambling and winning $1,345, the blackjack dealer shuffled the cards, I fell off the good wave.

On accident, I placed a $500 bet on the table. I confused it with a $100 chip. The dealer dealt, but she made a mistake and had to re-deal.

The dealer said we could pick up our bets if we wanted. My gut told me, “pick up the $500,” but I ignored it. I lost the next three hands.

My mind blurred. My decisions to bet were wrong. I was out of rhythm. I felt like I was fighting the cards, instead of going with them.

Eventually, my stack dwindled to $200 and I decided to go all in, to make my money back. But I lost.

I rose from the table, went to the restroom, washed my face and left the casino.

I waited until I merged onto  the highway to begin to shout.

“WHHHYYYYYYY DIDN’T YOU F***ING WALK AWAY!?!?,” I yelled at myself.

I punched the wheel. I cursed myself. I went from top to bottom in 20 minutes.

I went from feeling great to being irate.